If I were to seek a central theme for my life it would be my love/hate relationship with hegemony. Hegemony is traditionally defined as the dominance of one state over another. But you can also think of it as benign socialization. We are acculturated as we grow up and we become socialized. This benefits us and our society so that we can live comfortably within societal boundaries.

So hegemony is fine, up to a point. But I have always resisted, sometimes in a very inarticulate and stupid way, cultural hegemony. I can't stand being a sheep. Or, put it another way, living the unexamined life.

It dawned on me very early on that someone was trying to control my brain. Who was it? Not Martians, not some evil scientist. It was television and the advertisers. I'm 53 so when I first started watching television, it was pretty innocent. But now, it's a complete mindfuck. Television is here to sell you a lifestyle, to rile you, to dis-empower you. To make you feel inadequate. And to make you buy. You (and I) have been bred to be consumers. To live our lives working harder and harder at soulless jobs so we can spend more and more to increase corporate profits.

I don't like it, I tells ya.

From my current perspective (now that I no longer delude myself that the advertising/marketing hegemony is something that can be resisted, except by cutting off the message, i.e., throwing out the TV) I see that many of my friends have bought the lie hook, line, and sinker. They work many many  hours at jobs they loathe and are continually in debt. Many of them are younger than me and I can't help thinking that they've been permanently infected by "Friends", the television sitcom.

There's much more to hegemony, of course. Just read some Chomsky. Chomsky will set you free and add a bit of perspective to your politics.

A sort of rolling, rollicking set of circumstances has led to this moment (which I'll freezeframe by counting my breaths over and over again so that I may 'splain myself). The great gullywasher of life has carried my debris to this pond and from here I'm trying to break out to SOMETHING BETTER, something more sensible and connected.

First, I find myself with a small, Web- and telephone-powered business that doesn't take much time. I didn't set out to do this, but now that it's here, it's a great advantage. It's a great advantage because it gives me the time so that I can do other things which, I hope, will move me along to that SOMETHING BETTER thing I mentioned above.

One needs a manual (I am really a technical writer, so I believe that one must RTFM in order to do things). What do I find, manual-wise? Old books I bought when I was younger and frothier: The Three Pillars of Zen, The Way of Zen, Diet For a Small Planet, and my well-thumbed copy of The Story of O. All but the last are currently useful to me. I supplement that by a trip to the library and pick up a copy of Frances Moore Lappe's new book "Democracy's Edge" which is as hopeful and positive and useful as anything I can imagine.

The television set has been gone for ages, thus I have the space to read these things from the perspective of my 53 years and every word is brighter than the noonday sun and elevates and awakens me to some simple thoughts:

- I am totally in control of my life
- I am the government
- I am my society
- Zen practice is a good thing
- Eating organically- and locally-grown vegetarian food is a good thing
- Reducing our (the U.S.) environmental footprint is singularly important
- And lots of other things, too numerous to list

I have cancer. This cancer is curable and not one of those that will kill me quickly in any case. This is an awakening too, as you might expect. I think of all those bottles of water in little plastic bottles. And the meat-heavy diet of Americans. And riding around in pollution since I was old enough to drive. Because I have cancer, I turned vegetarian and organic and locally-grown (my wife and I buy shares in coop farm north of Denver).

The cancer makes me think of death and I can't find anything that comforts me in any western religion, so my wife and I go to the Denver Zen Center a few blocks away and sit and breathe. We have our own Zafus and Zabutons (these are words I like to say out loud when I can because they comfort me like a cat or macaroni and cheese) and buy a little figure of the Buddha, though I can't tell which one is right for Zen practice.

I volunteer for an ecumenical organization that provides low-cost housing. I help audit their grant files to make sure all the paperwork is there. Maybe I can help with their upcoming conference and their website. There's a reciprosity here -- I'd like to do communications work for a non-profit but I don't have the experience or the references (it's a funny thing when you work for yourself for so many years -- you don't have the common resume and references that employees have. So it's like you're always starting over. I suppose my "theme" is that I'm always starting over. I feel sorry for people who don't know how to start over in their fifties -- they seem so helpless) so the idea is that I can build a portfolio and get some references.

I also volunteer to help pass an important referendum in Colorado. One that will give same-sex couples legal rights. I call people on the phone and encourage them to vote for this referendum. I'm touched by the interest some people have and saddened by the feeling of political helplessness that some evince. Some say they won't be voting because they're "so sick of politics." I have to stop myself from suggesting they turn off the TV and listen to their own voice and maybe read a book. It's not my place, but the crazy-making of advertising and marketing should be obvious to all. How could we be sold something as stupid as the automobile and our current administration if advertising weren't so pernicious?

I'm trying to get connected, to get socialized. Throughout my career, I've worked independently. I prefer to do things myself. I'm a terrible leader. I don't delegate well. But I understand that to change the world, or just a part of it, requires cooperation and synchronization. So I'm reaching out through my volunteer efforts and my nascent Zen practice to their respective communities. Here I hope to find that my interpersonal barriers begin to wear away, leaving a feel of connected and purpose in their place.

I can say with perfect assurance that the SOMETHING BETTER I seek is already here. I'll just keep pedaling on so there's more of it.